So what do you do when your life is on the rocks? Hmmm that is a good one. I have no direction which sucks horribly, and I have really no support. Look at it this way everyone has their own shit to deal with so no help there. I mean my sister and friend live in Tampa, no help unless I move yeah right... My friend who lives with me is so wrapped up in her own shit that it would be a waste of time to get her involved in my own stuff. I have literally no one. I have no money because I am a housewife with no pay. I cook, clean and become a nanny with no monetary gain what so ever and I am not bitter about that or angry just resigned, because in this household I don't think it counts. I want to go on vacation. I want to lose some weight. I want to hang out with friends. I do not know how to start this off. I am at the end of a cliff and I need to figure out whether I am going to sink or swim.
How do I explain myself? I am drowning and I have no life preserver anywhere. Ok, so somewhere along the lines I have started to feel sorry for myself without having any idea how I did that or where it came from. Lucky me! Not sarcastic at all am I (snickering). I am just going to have to get up some courage and stop acting like a coward that is all. Right? I mean it should be that easy. I think that quote is easier said than done.
There are so many life questions:
Do I want to stay married?
How do I put myself first?
How do I become proactive in life?
Where do I start putting my life back together?
Where do I find support?
What do I do with myself?
This didn't used to be a problem for me. If I wanted something I went after it nothing stopped me. Now I am scared, have anxiety, and stressed. Why? Fear, that is why I fear everything. Crowds of people, and I don't know what to do or who to turn too. I think maybe I am just a coward. How did I become this person and where do I get the other one back....I will find out and get back to you.
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